If YOU want to feel good, connected with your partner, and committed to them, then by all means give to them.On the other hand, if you want THEM to feel good, connected and committed to you, then you might be better off taking from them.We have all heard stories of extensive favors and gifts leading to unrequited love.Stories of women who bestowed every concern and nicety, only to be left alone by an ungrateful partner.Welcome back to The Attraction Doctor You've probably been told to do nice things for the people you want to attract.Maybe you've even been advised to buy presents, cook dinners, pay for dates, or perform thoughtful gestures to win the affection of a lover.
But, just because the tactic of giving is common, does not mean it is always the most effective.
Giving less of my time and affection keeps my partners on their toes. For a while I was a nice guy smothering my lady with attention and privileges. Animals play this game simply by taking turns chasing each other. As a single woman, author for lifestyle books for women and a marriage & therapist, (intern), I appreciate the practical, tangible approach to this article.
It was a hard lesson I've had to learn myself and now guide women in the INITIAL dating process - to let a man GIVE to me, and not feel immediately as though I should reciprocate. We are all human after all, and therefore, all want the same fundamental things from life - love, respect, appreciation, honesty, care, etc.
This may be counter-intuitive, but it stands to reason.
Someone who gives to you has invested, committed, and devoted resources to you as a recipient of their giving. Therefore, they may be more committed and attached when they give (and you take), versus when they receive from you.